With the divorce rate in America sitting at 50% for first marriages (it reads 67% for second marriages and almost 75% for third marriages), it makes perfect sense that accepting a break-up is not always the "right" long-term solution for sour or stale relationships. Sometimes, putting up a bit of a fight to get back with your ex makes perfect sense even when trusted friends and family encourage you to move on and find another mate. But let's not blame friends and family wihtout understanding their point of view first.
Typically what happens when you get into an argument with a partner is your friends and family take your side, recall some long-forgiven argument you had in the past, and tell you that things happen for a reason, it's time to move on. Unless children are involved, friends and family seldom recommend that you get back with your ex because it is usually easier to suggest the path of least resistance (moving on and finding someone else). Additionally, friends and relatives remember the last major argument and when they see that you are unhappy and heartbroken yet again, they want it to end so they can see you smiling and happy. Lastly, none of them want you to be vulnerable, they do not want to encourage you to put yourself at risk and become vulnerable again. In other words, they support the break-up because they love you want you to be happy.
Since people are more likely to complain about a bad service experience than they are to praise one, they are also more likely to complain about a relationship. How often do conversations with friends and family evolve around how much your partner appreciates you, how well you are treated, and how supportive they are? Rarely. And this makes sense because, first of all, nobody likes to come across as bragging or privileged. As well, we often grow to expect appreciation and above-par treatment from our partner, so we often fail to recognize it as something worth talking about. And, let's face it, the arguments are much more entertaining, aren't they? Well, consequently, with nothing left but the arguments to talk about, this is what our friends and family hear. When a break-up happens, is it not logical then for them to encourage us to move on and find someone else?
Sidebar: most of our friends and family will comment on how atrociously high the divorce rate has risen. Few people fail to acknowledge it is as a problem. Then why are these same people supporting the break-up and urging us to live and learn rather than pushing us to get back with our ex?
Given a basic understanding for why our friends and relatives encourage against trying to get back with your ex, it becomes clear that their advice is often the wrong advice. It does not make them enemies or poor friends/relatives -- in fact, it makes them great friends and relatives! But it should also come to light that your feelings and reasons for wanting to get back with an ex are not only justified, but extremely legitimate, especially if the relationship was generally healthy (e.g. no cheating, abuse, lying, etc., etc.). In case of a misunderstanding, most relationships can be repaired, particularly for the long-term.
The most common type of misunderstandings that lead to break-ups are financial arguments and other value misalignments like agreeing to do something and then consistently failing to do it. These misunderstandings are easy to identify as trivial and minor when they are happening to someone else, but in real-life relationships they cause a great deal of tension and therapists often cite them as the reason for the break-up in the first place. Use this same type of third-party distance with your own misunderstandings and you will see that with a bit of accommodation and compromise, they can be easily resolved.
With break-ups rarely being a permanent solution to a relationship, you can definitely succeed when trying to get back with an ex. Using the virtues of patience and objectivity, the resulting, refreshed relationship should gain in momentum and strength. Therefore, the final thought is that friends and family do not like seeing you in emotional pain; their advice to you is often not based on all of the facts and their aim is help you avoid getting hurt in the future. The only way you can know whether you should get back with an ex is through your own feelings. But, statistically speaking, it makes sense for you to strive to keep your relationship together. - 15431
Typically what happens when you get into an argument with a partner is your friends and family take your side, recall some long-forgiven argument you had in the past, and tell you that things happen for a reason, it's time to move on. Unless children are involved, friends and family seldom recommend that you get back with your ex because it is usually easier to suggest the path of least resistance (moving on and finding someone else). Additionally, friends and relatives remember the last major argument and when they see that you are unhappy and heartbroken yet again, they want it to end so they can see you smiling and happy. Lastly, none of them want you to be vulnerable, they do not want to encourage you to put yourself at risk and become vulnerable again. In other words, they support the break-up because they love you want you to be happy.
Since people are more likely to complain about a bad service experience than they are to praise one, they are also more likely to complain about a relationship. How often do conversations with friends and family evolve around how much your partner appreciates you, how well you are treated, and how supportive they are? Rarely. And this makes sense because, first of all, nobody likes to come across as bragging or privileged. As well, we often grow to expect appreciation and above-par treatment from our partner, so we often fail to recognize it as something worth talking about. And, let's face it, the arguments are much more entertaining, aren't they? Well, consequently, with nothing left but the arguments to talk about, this is what our friends and family hear. When a break-up happens, is it not logical then for them to encourage us to move on and find someone else?
Sidebar: most of our friends and family will comment on how atrociously high the divorce rate has risen. Few people fail to acknowledge it is as a problem. Then why are these same people supporting the break-up and urging us to live and learn rather than pushing us to get back with our ex?
Given a basic understanding for why our friends and relatives encourage against trying to get back with your ex, it becomes clear that their advice is often the wrong advice. It does not make them enemies or poor friends/relatives -- in fact, it makes them great friends and relatives! But it should also come to light that your feelings and reasons for wanting to get back with an ex are not only justified, but extremely legitimate, especially if the relationship was generally healthy (e.g. no cheating, abuse, lying, etc., etc.). In case of a misunderstanding, most relationships can be repaired, particularly for the long-term.
The most common type of misunderstandings that lead to break-ups are financial arguments and other value misalignments like agreeing to do something and then consistently failing to do it. These misunderstandings are easy to identify as trivial and minor when they are happening to someone else, but in real-life relationships they cause a great deal of tension and therapists often cite them as the reason for the break-up in the first place. Use this same type of third-party distance with your own misunderstandings and you will see that with a bit of accommodation and compromise, they can be easily resolved.
With break-ups rarely being a permanent solution to a relationship, you can definitely succeed when trying to get back with an ex. Using the virtues of patience and objectivity, the resulting, refreshed relationship should gain in momentum and strength. Therefore, the final thought is that friends and family do not like seeing you in emotional pain; their advice to you is often not based on all of the facts and their aim is help you avoid getting hurt in the future. The only way you can know whether you should get back with an ex is through your own feelings. But, statistically speaking, it makes sense for you to strive to keep your relationship together. - 15431
About the Author:
Find out how to get your ex back at www.HelpGetMyExBack.com. For personalized Relationship Advice visit Sam's Page at The Match Maker Review
