Phillip is frustrated. After working hard all day, he feels his Barbara, his wife, doesn't give him enough attention when he gets home. But Barbara is tired from taking care of their children all day, and needs Phil to show her some special attention. This has gone on for some years and now they wonder if they will ever be happy.
Each partner in the relationship must decide if it is worth saving. With hard work most relationships can be saved, but the work must be done by both partners. If one partner decides they don't want to try, not much can be done to avoid a split.
f you want to know how to save a relationship, it starts with commitment by both parties. Both have to agree the relationship is worth saving. Not just for the children, or because it is convenient. Those reasons will not bring happiness back into the relationship.
Now you need to focus on the real problems in the relationship. Problems create many symptoms, and it is easy to think the symptoms are the problem. But that is not the case.
Let's look at an example Maybe your relationship has suffered an affair, and you perceive that is the main problem in your marriage. But an affair is a symptom. Perhaps a lack of intimacy has resulted in a partner straying. Even if the straying partner feels so guilty that they don't continue, other symptoms, such as pornography, could pop up because the core issue is not being addressed. Lack of intimacy can cause real problems in a relationship.
Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partners concerns. Hold your partners hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.
Now its time to work together to solve your problems. Design an action plan and follow it. If your problem is not spending enough time together, agree to spend 20 or 30 minutes each day talking, perhaps before bedtime. If the problem is you don't spend enough time together, designate a date night each week. Take turns deciding new and interesting places to go. Stick to your plan.
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. This is your relationship and it is worth saving! - 15431
Each partner in the relationship must decide if it is worth saving. With hard work most relationships can be saved, but the work must be done by both partners. If one partner decides they don't want to try, not much can be done to avoid a split.
f you want to know how to save a relationship, it starts with commitment by both parties. Both have to agree the relationship is worth saving. Not just for the children, or because it is convenient. Those reasons will not bring happiness back into the relationship.
Now you need to focus on the real problems in the relationship. Problems create many symptoms, and it is easy to think the symptoms are the problem. But that is not the case.
Let's look at an example Maybe your relationship has suffered an affair, and you perceive that is the main problem in your marriage. But an affair is a symptom. Perhaps a lack of intimacy has resulted in a partner straying. Even if the straying partner feels so guilty that they don't continue, other symptoms, such as pornography, could pop up because the core issue is not being addressed. Lack of intimacy can cause real problems in a relationship.
Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partners concerns. Hold your partners hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.
Now its time to work together to solve your problems. Design an action plan and follow it. If your problem is not spending enough time together, agree to spend 20 or 30 minutes each day talking, perhaps before bedtime. If the problem is you don't spend enough time together, designate a date night each week. Take turns deciding new and interesting places to go. Stick to your plan.
Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. This is your relationship and it is worth saving! - 15431
About the Author:
A. MacGynn contributes to About the Family, a blog dedicated to family living. Most broken relationships can be repaired if the subconscious motivators that get unite couples are understood. Sadly, most individuals taking steps to repair the relationship instinctively do exactly the wrong thing. Avoid these wrong steps and you can Repair the Relationship
