I know what you're thinking. Rome was not built in a day, and great relationships take time to develop and nurture. That deeper loving, relating and understanding takes energy, commitment and focus.
There is no substitute for great - honest -to goodness advice when making good relationship decisions. It will be your saving grace when you need to honesty look at yourself, mate or situation - in order to make serious decisions.
Relationships are often depicted in soudbites. The man and women meet unexpectedly, they have a fantastic time, and if things don't work they leave each other with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. The art of good relating, the tools and strategies are never mentioned.
As if.
If you stay in an unhappy miserable relationship - you may be considered a door mat, a jelly fish or worse - a 'dependant'. If you leave people may whisper behind your back and call you a quitter. So what is a person to do?
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Be Smart Think Smart.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Angry
Sounds pretty obvious ladies and gents, but any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. Get out now especially if children are involved.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter Pill
They are never happy for you or your achievements. They never notice a new shirt, haircut, or accessory. They seek any opportunity to mimize your success and every opportniuty to highlight a negative occurance or mistake.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this 'relationship' I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party - who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Serial Woman / Man - izer
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
If you go out with your friends or relatives - do they sulk?
Does the prospect of you having fun with friends and family bring on unexplained sickness, problems, or time delays?
They are threatened by those who are importance to you. They are still insecure and threatened despite all your reassurances.
Ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this? However if you wish to work on this - do so with the help on a neutral third party.
5. The Libido Has Left The Room
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
It may be that a bit of support and understanding could make all the difference. Discuss things openly with your lover and act accordingly
A healthy, honest and sensitive approach is recommended in this situation. Try and look beyond the obvious, as problems in the bedroom could actually be a cover for other feelings such as anger, lack of intimacy, fatigue and resentment.
6. The Free Spirit
They belong to the 60's - carefree yet not so single.
They can't hold down a regular job, are needy and desire a person who will take care of them. What they really need is a parent and not a partner.
Be prepared to end up tired and resentful as your needs may not be met.
7. In Need of Repair
Possessing a 'victim mentality' they have a long catalogue of hurts.
The hurts would fill an entire encyclopedia if only they had the will to write them down.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
You may want to involve a neutral third party so that their negativity can be pointed out to them. You may end up tired of re-assuring them. You have been warned.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that's what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Still attached to their mother's apron strings or their dad's finger, they can never do wrong.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Hygiene - Not Just for The Kitchen
If hygiene is a foreign word to them, I suggest getting out fast. Ok I admit it - I am a bit anal. However I don't see how regular bathing could harm anyone!
We all value hygiene and self care. Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who hasn't bothered to look and smell good for you.
10. Hellooo - I do Exist
These people are just plain inconsiderate. They are so focused on themselves and their needs and goals that they forget that you are there. They expect you to ask about them, pick them up when their chips are down, wipe their faces - but God forbid you should expect anything in return.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
You are not their slave. Get out pronto.
Now that you have the ' 10 signs ' under your belt, you will be far more prepared when dealing with difficult situations. However always keep in mind that your behaviour may also have something to do with theirs. Therefore always first look at yourself and how you are contributing to the relationship. If you feel that you have been civil and reasonable, have honestly expressed your thoughts and things still haven't improved (despite some neutral third party help), then it's time to make some tough decisions.
Respect and consideration are the names of the game. You don't deserve anything less.
Happy relating! - 15431
There is no substitute for great - honest -to goodness advice when making good relationship decisions. It will be your saving grace when you need to honesty look at yourself, mate or situation - in order to make serious decisions.
Relationships are often depicted in soudbites. The man and women meet unexpectedly, they have a fantastic time, and if things don't work they leave each other with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. The art of good relating, the tools and strategies are never mentioned.
As if.
If you stay in an unhappy miserable relationship - you may be considered a door mat, a jelly fish or worse - a 'dependant'. If you leave people may whisper behind your back and call you a quitter. So what is a person to do?
Now that over two thirds of marriages end in divorce, the importance of good quality advice is paramount. Keep your eyes and ears open, right from the beginning. Make silent notes (or even written) of the behaviour that bothers you and don't make excuses for them. Similarly don't have unreasonable or unrealistic expectations.
Be Smart Think Smart.
Look Out For These Unhealthy Relationship Types
1. The Angry
Sounds pretty obvious ladies and gents, but any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. Get out now especially if children are involved.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter Pill
They are never happy for you or your achievements. They never notice a new shirt, haircut, or accessory. They seek any opportunity to mimize your success and every opportniuty to highlight a negative occurance or mistake.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Get out while you still have a back bone. If want to attempt to salvage this 'relationship' I recommend doing so with the help of a neutral third party - who will help point out their behaviour in a non-threatening way.
3. The Serial Woman / Man - izer
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They project their guilty emotions on to you by holding you responsible for all their suspicions, stress and unhappiness.
Get proof and get out soon.
4. Power Plays
If you go out with your friends or relatives - do they sulk?
Does the prospect of you having fun with friends and family bring on unexplained sickness, problems, or time delays?
They are threatened by those who are importance to you. They are still insecure and threatened despite all your reassurances.
Ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this? However if you wish to work on this - do so with the help on a neutral third party.
5. The Libido Has Left The Room
If your drives are very different, or one of you recently had a loss of drive, then this of course could result in a bit of future tension.
It may be that a bit of support and understanding could make all the difference. Discuss things openly with your lover and act accordingly
A healthy, honest and sensitive approach is recommended in this situation. Try and look beyond the obvious, as problems in the bedroom could actually be a cover for other feelings such as anger, lack of intimacy, fatigue and resentment.
6. The Free Spirit
They belong to the 60's - carefree yet not so single.
They can't hold down a regular job, are needy and desire a person who will take care of them. What they really need is a parent and not a partner.
Be prepared to end up tired and resentful as your needs may not be met.
7. In Need of Repair
Possessing a 'victim mentality' they have a long catalogue of hurts.
The hurts would fill an entire encyclopedia if only they had the will to write them down.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
You may want to involve a neutral third party so that their negativity can be pointed out to them. You may end up tired of re-assuring them. You have been warned.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
They are wonderful and wholesome just like apple pie. At least that's what they were told at home. They can do no wrong, therefore it is all your fault.
Still attached to their mother's apron strings or their dad's finger, they can never do wrong.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Hygiene - Not Just for The Kitchen
If hygiene is a foreign word to them, I suggest getting out fast. Ok I admit it - I am a bit anal. However I don't see how regular bathing could harm anyone!
We all value hygiene and self care. Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who hasn't bothered to look and smell good for you.
10. Hellooo - I do Exist
These people are just plain inconsiderate. They are so focused on themselves and their needs and goals that they forget that you are there. They expect you to ask about them, pick them up when their chips are down, wipe their faces - but God forbid you should expect anything in return.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
You are not their slave. Get out pronto.
Now that you have the ' 10 signs ' under your belt, you will be far more prepared when dealing with difficult situations. However always keep in mind that your behaviour may also have something to do with theirs. Therefore always first look at yourself and how you are contributing to the relationship. If you feel that you have been civil and reasonable, have honestly expressed your thoughts and things still haven't improved (despite some neutral third party help), then it's time to make some tough decisions.
Respect and consideration are the names of the game. You don't deserve anything less.
Happy relating! - 15431
About the Author:
Hi I'm Rebecca Adams - and i've been giving relationship help to singles and couples. So whether your new to dating, just starting a relationship, walking the dating minefield, or happily or unhappily married - there's something for you! Pick up your free Gift today : The 8 Keys to Having a Great Relationship Experience -- And Why it All Starts With YOU!
