The troublesome mother-in-law is well known as the bane of any young family's blissful relationship. When it comes to situations regarding finances, bringing up the kids, or maybe even general day to day living, there always seems to be arguments between you and the 'in-laws'. Mother-in-laws seem to have a habit of thinking that their opinion is just as important, or more so than your partners, when that really isn't the case. Naturally they care about the happiness of their extended family, but rarely know the full details of the situation " and sometimes shouldn't shed their opinion.
There are certain times to laugh these disagreements off, but for the remaining no-laughter circumstances when lines have been crossed, how do we keep our composure while making our point?
Calmly evaluate the reasons you choose to do what you do, as standing up for your viewpoint is essential. Even when backed into a corner, know what you need to say, and say them. Stating what's on your mind will show others that you care about the discussion, especially since it's *your* family. You should understand though, they won't wont back down so easily, just like you. The end goal should be a mutual agreement, or at least agree to disagree.
Staying quiet, but still angry underneath can indicate to others that you're either too timid, or agree with what they're saying! This may give the wrong impression, and invite them to make further distasteful comments. Even if you haven't come to a decision, and don't feel the need to speak up yet, it is an idea to at least let them know you're still thinking.
Comments coming from a meddling in-law may have double-meaning (sounds constructive on the surface but can appear to be full of rude criticism underneath - think Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond). These situations can turn into heated arguments if youre not careful.
You must try your hardest to not retaliate in a similar way - don't fight fire with fire. Also remember, that the comment may have never been intended to be rude in the first place. If you were meant to be hurt by it, try to follow these two rules ~ First, never show any emotion (or don't even let yourself experience it in the first place), or tell them that you don't really understand what they said. Second, just face up and tell them straight that you don't respect what was said, and don't appreciate their tone.
Dont be afraid to let others know that although a suggestion of money management or child rearing may have worked for them, youre quite certain you are doing the best you can with your family and circumstances. Just because it worked for one person does not guarantee it will work with another person.
Whichever method you choose, just remember it is far better to tackle the problem head-on (with diplomacy) than it is to have an all out yelling match. - 15431
There are certain times to laugh these disagreements off, but for the remaining no-laughter circumstances when lines have been crossed, how do we keep our composure while making our point?
Calmly evaluate the reasons you choose to do what you do, as standing up for your viewpoint is essential. Even when backed into a corner, know what you need to say, and say them. Stating what's on your mind will show others that you care about the discussion, especially since it's *your* family. You should understand though, they won't wont back down so easily, just like you. The end goal should be a mutual agreement, or at least agree to disagree.
Staying quiet, but still angry underneath can indicate to others that you're either too timid, or agree with what they're saying! This may give the wrong impression, and invite them to make further distasteful comments. Even if you haven't come to a decision, and don't feel the need to speak up yet, it is an idea to at least let them know you're still thinking.
Comments coming from a meddling in-law may have double-meaning (sounds constructive on the surface but can appear to be full of rude criticism underneath - think Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond). These situations can turn into heated arguments if youre not careful.
You must try your hardest to not retaliate in a similar way - don't fight fire with fire. Also remember, that the comment may have never been intended to be rude in the first place. If you were meant to be hurt by it, try to follow these two rules ~ First, never show any emotion (or don't even let yourself experience it in the first place), or tell them that you don't really understand what they said. Second, just face up and tell them straight that you don't respect what was said, and don't appreciate their tone.
Dont be afraid to let others know that although a suggestion of money management or child rearing may have worked for them, youre quite certain you are doing the best you can with your family and circumstances. Just because it worked for one person does not guarantee it will work with another person.
Whichever method you choose, just remember it is far better to tackle the problem head-on (with diplomacy) than it is to have an all out yelling match. - 15431
About the Author:
Tina Love is the resident editor of the Relationships Guide at Schmoozins - an online magazine for women that gives all women a voice. Join us as a contributor, schmoozer or just hang out a while.
